She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
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