Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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