Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
