Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..