I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
19 Unhappily Married People Confess The Red Flags They Ignored
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
These 23 People Destroyed Their Entire Lives In An Instant
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?