Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Randomize
