If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.