I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
19 Teachers Share the Funniest Items Brought to “Show and Tell”
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
23 Concerns People Have When They’re About To Have Sex With Someone New
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..