dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
These 23 People Had Sex With Someone From Completely Different Cultures
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
25 Medical Facts That Need To Be Common Knowledge
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus