she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"