We won't sleep together?
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
