i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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