I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
