Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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