I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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