you guys were way drunker than both of me
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Randomize
