I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
