i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
