in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize