I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
The struggles of a small town man whore
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
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