i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
