I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
