and you said cock pushups were impossible
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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