I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Randomize
