you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
foreskin is a definite game changer
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
