Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
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