He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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