i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
