i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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