why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
two words...techno handjob
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
