i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
