I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
She bit a glass in half.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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