You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
