I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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