This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
