Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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