I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
