i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
