I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
