Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
