yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
