come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
