Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
