We won't sleep together?
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
