I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
