I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
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