Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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