And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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