I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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