Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
