Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
