I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
