i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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