She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
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