i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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