Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
