Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Randomize
