I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
