yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat