Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.