Just fell off a train. Bad.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
