PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
