Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?