ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
