Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Sorry my hands just texted you
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
