you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
