Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
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