Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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