Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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