Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I deserve this hangover.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
