just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
