Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
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