I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
