Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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