i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
