You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
