If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
