giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
