'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
