She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I enjoy the company of your penis
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
