im drinking this country out of the recession.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
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Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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