Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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