I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
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