I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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