we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
