Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
28 ‘Thanks For Coming To My Ted Talk Tweets’ Funnier And More Informative Than An Actual Ted Talk
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.