Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(309): View more from Illinois

nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol

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(309): nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol http://tfl.nu/jhs1

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.

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(717): Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag. http://tfl.nu/8k5h

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(561): View more from Florida

I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."

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(561): I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday." http://tfl.nu/kc3i

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(502): View more from Kentucky

i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.

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(502): i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'. http://tfl.nu/b21s

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(250): View more from British Columbia

A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja

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(250): A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja http://tfl.nu/h6o5

Replies (30) Good night (7302) Bad night (1038)
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(315): View more from New York

They're like penises that have been put in a blender.

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(315): They're like penises that have been put in a blender. http://tfl.nu/9hz0

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(401): View more from Rhode Island

I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.

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(401): I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs. http://tfl.nu/di07

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(315): View more from New York

I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in

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(315): I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in http://tfl.nu/b3qn

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(831): View more from California

I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.

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(831): I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT. http://tfl.nu/8xfg

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(719): View more from Colorado

Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...

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(719): Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this... http://tfl.nu/zlco

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(870): View more from Arkansas

He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number

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(870): He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number http://tfl.nu/tvhj

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(540): View more from Virginia

I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick

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(540): I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick http://tfl.nu/eynw

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(406): View more from Montana

Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.

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(406): Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night. http://tfl.nu/g42n

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(734): View more from Michigan

Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks

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(734): Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks http://tfl.nu/mb18

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.

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(717): I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country. http://tfl.nu/ua5o

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