I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet