these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.