I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
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I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
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Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!