I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night