do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
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