How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
