I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
