I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
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