I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
My pussy is not your playground.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
