What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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