either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Randomize
